Bombay trip

I am back after a super social action packed weekend with d guys in bombay! My checklist:

• Spend time with chitti n bro. Done.
• Flirt with Him. Done.
• Go to Shack. Done.
• Get Sloshed. Almost Done.
• Talk things out with Him. Done.
• Check out Her new place. Done.
• Play with the cute kid next door. Done.
• Meet P. Done.
• Go to Poptates. Done.
• Dance on Nirma @ Enigma. Not Done.
• Get hot haircut. Done.
• Meet S, A and D after ages!! Done.
• Go to Prithvi. Done.
• Go to Mondy's for Breakfast. Not Done.
• Spend time wid A. Not Done.
• Bump into known people at randon places. Done.
• Spend time wid Sis. Done
• Brave Bombay Monsoons. Done.
• Get my Degree(S). Done!!
• Drink Cutting at tappli during rains. Done.
• Walk around in flooded Bombay. Done.
• Foot all bills and feel all grown up. Done.
• Buy Cute umbrella, Hot bag. Not Done.
• Make my family meet friends' family. Done.
• Buy Scotch for Dad. Done.
• Gossip! Done.
• Go to Alfa. Done.
• Fight with the College Management. Done.
• Take mom dad on Sea Link. Not Done.
• Visit Sea Link myself (with Sis). Done.
• Graduation Party at Hard Rock. Done.
• Not Sleep a Wink. Done.
• Return home with Salary Gone. Done.

So all this resulted in me missing office on Wednesday too. So 3 LWPs for me. Poor kunju!

Change

He though he overcame it

he thought it was gone

But it creeps up on him

Like a needling thorn

His throat constricts

Eyes flood over

His breath fails him

The pain the only power

Deeper he delves

Linking failures to each other

lost in the labyrinth

he struggles to holler

In the anguish he remembers

the times dat r past now

But try as he may, he cannot help

compare the present how

They say change governs existense

But we never question intent

what if it was never present

D intent dat is a granted clause?

Delhi..bombay..delhi

Delhi..Bombay..Mumbai..Dilli..i think I will always run around in circles between these two..Ive lived in Delhi for 18 years and now am back..for good I hope. But Bombay has made me what I am now. 5 years in the city..it will always hold that special place..a lot
of firsts the city has given me..and u never forget your firsts do u..however embarrassing? On the Contrary..more embarrassing the better..:)

Somehow I am always incomplete..a part of me is missing..i am always longing. In Delhi i want the beach, the crowd..d 'itna paisa meh itna ich milenga', Marine drive, d responsibility of living alone..in Bombay i want the history..the roads..d rustic tenor..d not getting up from razai in winter mornings..d security of home.

And I am so tired of Bombay vs. Delhi. I love u both! each is great in its own right..I will always love u..Delhi is the very essence of me..beginning from kohl rimmed eyes..my straight f

orward demeanor..my love for cotton and winter..bombay taught me how to survive..losing friendship..losing my home..losing hope..but still holding on!

Leaving a city is bitter-sweet always..u will always crave for home..but in a tiny corner of your heart the city lives on. Break-ups are similar..u will always miss the moments u shared..but u continue to where your life is beckoning. Either cases don't present us with options eh?

I have spent a good amount of time as a hosteler loving this song..now back home..the song retains its importance:

Kehne ko saath apne ek duniya chalti hai..par chupke is dil meh tanhayee palti hai

Bas yaad saath hai..teri yaad saath hai

Rock On

रहिमन धागा प्रेम का, मत तोड़ो चटकाय।

टूटे से फिर ना जुड़े, जुड़े गाँठ परि जाय॥

When i first heard/saw promos of the movie, to tell u the truth I wasn't very enthralled. I thought..ok pbly another 'chicklit'. And in my nomadic existence, i don't have the privilege of watching too many promos. Thus, the disasters of Elaan, Karam, Lucky..I know some of u don't even know these movies!

Anyway..during one of the blessed glimpse of the promo..a phrase caught my eye..Live your Dream..and the lyrics..Zindagi milegi na dubara stayed with me. Owing to recent happennings in my life, sentiments overpowered me and my aching dream to dance proffessionally resurfaced. I figured ek bar toh dekhni hai. Now toh I have seen the movie twice..of course the motivating factor was Farhan Akhtar..gawd! how hot can one be!.. :P. But i will try and limit my musings to an objective view of my emotions bt the movie. :)

The movie of course runs at its pace, taking time to familiarize the audience with each character of the movie. The investment banker, the ameer baap ka gujju beta who is the joker of the gang, the sentimental guitarist and the pragmatic freelance artist. 4 different people of contrasting personalities, the best buddies..one common thread..passion for music.

What made it special for me was the friendship amongst them..c an odd 6months or so are left of my college life..n i wana live it to the hilt..forget differences..just let loose. Also..im in delhi for some while for my internship. This time, i guess due 2 the abnormal chain of events back in bombay, I was more than looking forward to my time in dilli..back wid my chaddi buddies..celebrating my budday here after ages..had the works planned..but life does not always work according 2 wt u planned..i faced more than my share of losses..permanent and (i hope) temporary.

For the first time in my life, I felt out of control..everything slipping and..alone. Had never experienced it..guess 4 years of living out of home..the only isuue I have faced is privacy..:). But now I have attained enlightenment.. :). I realised, u cannot afford to lose control..coz if u do..everything falls apart..like it did for Joe. U cannot blame, u cannot survive blaming the people u love..u will never be at peace. Also u cannot escape it..ur life is hollow if u do..a part of u dies. Anyway as we grow, the child inside keeps diminishing..if so much of us keeps dying..what do we become?

I was hurt and angry and confused..and I am very capable of completely cutting ties and turning cold..but then its not worth it..coz a huge part of what u are is due to the people around u..if u compromise relationships..u compromise urself..and u lose urself.

The movie gave me hope..maybe ten years hence, my husband will throw a surprise budday party fr me..:P..like the birthday I planned this year 2 be. But more importantly, I thought u should forgive and be strong and face adversaries..yourself. Friends, family will always be there..but it is you who has to come to terms with events. And only when u see the little u have slipping away from u does the realization dawn. When dat dumb prachi desai left aditya..he was jolted. I guess that was required fr me too..sometimes something good comes out of a silly ego conflict. After losing two of my buddies, I was close to losing a third last sunday. That's when I realised..it has to stop somewhere..and it has..finally.

And about pursuing dreams..u should continue doing what makes u happy..despite ur boring work..look at me im writing dis siting in office.. :P. Thinking about it, not many people have a defined passion in life..those who do..should definitely not give up..

the most beautiful ballad from the movie summarizes it..

ye tumhari meri baatein

humesha yuhin..chalti rahein

ye humari mulakatein

humesha yuhin..chalti rahein

beete yuhi apne saare din raat

baaton se nikalti rahe...nai baat.

Love

I remember how it began
The innocent glances
The talks thru the night
The meaningless fights, The meaningful laughs
The candour, The ease
Guarded we were of unleashing our true self
But our eyes soon mastered reading one other well
When it developed, neither took note
Just a blissful feeling percolated the soul
The anxiety The hesitance
I remember it all
The gratification that permeated
When Realization dawned
Began a journey
Clandestine and Passionate
The ardour heightened,
By the necessitated secret
Unprepared and Undaunted
We ploughed on together
Experiencing the comfort of friendship with fervour
Young and Fearles
We held our own
Nurturing and Advising
The extension of one's own

Months passed, the secrecy ended at will
The knowledge bringing an abandon that thrilled
Heady was the concoction of camaraderie and passion
As we experienced love in every fraction
Gladly we bared mind body and soul
Till I became unvirginally yours
The journey had reached a point of no return
As i submitted more than I had yearned
Lying next to you the uncertainty plagued
The night welded into morn,
But uncertainty remained
I did not doubt my strength to plunge
But I did doubt my strength to endure
Morning dawned as u stirred, Reaching out, Hungry for more
"Don't", I said, "It Hurts"
Tenderly u caressed then, Gentler than Before

Abandoned I feel now, I wonder why
It seems u have disappeared, suddenly from my life
Please remind me, When it all began
The meaningful fights, The void of talks
The anger, The denial, The silent tears,
The discomfort and rejection, And the Heartburn
When it developed, I didn't take note
But the demons still plague me
Fiercer than before
A sinking feeling accompanies me now
The anger, The betrayal
I feel it all
"Don't", I said, "It Hurts"
But now the plea falls on deaf ears