handicap

yeah i kno i am overreacting..for ppl who dont know and still check my blog..i hv a cast and a crutch..left foot has a ligament tear..again.
the injury is back after 3 years..time for some background again..i had a ligament tear 3yrs ago..ws in bbay den too..1st year..dint pay much heed..n worsened it a lot..BUT ws still walking. nw d injury is back with a vengeance. AND im a dancer. of course i study too..i mean d mba tech i pursue is supposed 2 earn me big bucks(laugh!)..bt essentially im a dancer. dont know y im baring my soul on such a public forum..bt guess sumtimes d best of d ppl dont understand u..
yeah its only for 10 days..hopefully..of which 6 have passed (yay!). and IF d doc(grrr..i hate him!) removes my cast and i can stop my hop scotch..i still cant dance..d doc sed 3 weeks (with a hidden at least).
apart from d irony of depending on everyone 4 evrytin..cant catch an auto on my own..a good samaritan gets d rik 4 me n i hop on..thanks saket n sid..u guys hv alwaz been there! yeah so i ws sayin, apart 4m dat..tis dis nagging fear in my heart dat tis gonna b like last time..i dint dance fr an entire year..precautions+fear. and when i startd again i ws afraid i wont b as good as i was..i also suffer from a fragile ego and false pride.
i stay in d 3rd flr with no lift..so hv been putting up with my friends..n they have been more than tolerant to my tantrums..feels wonderful to have such great friends
the past 1year has been good in terms of my dance..ws offered instructorship, gave a show..ws pretty satisfied with the way things were..wanted to diversify u kno..i have a year n a half until my student life is up..throw in d training..n say 1 yr is wt i hv.at one level cant wait 2 earn..on another level..i know d rat race n wana b a very successful rat at that..so wanted 2 make d most of d student existence dat i possess. i wanted 2 learn as much as possible..revive jazz, learn belly dancing, master salsa n jive..mayb give a workshop or 2 for kids..
yeah i know i can still do it..i kno im sulking..i know am making a mountain of a molehill..but im scared. what if i cant dance for a year after this? my time is up..
n den of course..tis d eternal..y me? :P..
hmm..and i so hate depending on others..and d sympathy..im sorry if i offend anyone..bt iv alwaz been dis ultra independent person..n im not known for being patient or staying at a place..:)
ive handled dis really badly..which makes me feel even worse..
nw lets focus on d pros..i can use EB and make ppl work 4 me..no dancing..so no party on new year..so i save money..of course no going out so no showing off new dress and no dates either..bt we are focusing on pros now! apart frm dat guess d same old..u figure who ur 'real friends' are.
help is pouring in from some unexpected quarters..while some quarters have been surprisingly distant..and then there are some quarters where i permanently reside..(being rather sappy now)
anyways..am feeling decidedly better nw..thanx for reading me prattling on..

feminism..is it?

Firstly i apologise for not writing in ages..as u all kno..im the procrastination queen..and as my friend very nicely jst reminded me..i am laptop less..meh chori k laptop se likh rahi hun'.
Been meaning to write this 4 a long time..happened sumwhr at the beginning of d session.

There ws a discussion in our law lecture about the not-so-recent mandate passed by the Karnataka Government regarding banning women from working late. As expected a heated discussion ensued..considering moi, a self confessed feminist was a member. (Now as are most engg and MBA student bodies, ours is a male dominated strength..at least in mere numerals).
Our law faculty is a lady..an opinionated one at that..my best friend feels females always have sumtin against other hot females (the best friend is a guy of course).

Not that i expected much, but none of the able-minded males sitting out there seemed to think the mandate was preposterous. That was not surprising, what amazd me was, neither did most of the able-minded females out there. And mind you, this was a discussion in an MBA school in Mumbai.

The argument provided were, the obtuse 'let's accept it, women ARE weaker than men'..and 'what will u do if u get raped?' and this one tops the list..there was an analogy drawn between this mandate and the laws for homicide. The argument so given was, the state is doing its job in protecting US( yeah this means it was a lady in the classroom who pointed it out) and just like state prevents homicide, it is preventing rape. In our liberal approach, it never crosses aur mind to curtail the culprit.
Now, the point I am trying to make is, how can a state prevent someone from going out at night? Just as every woman is a potential rape victim, every man is a potential rapist. Or is it not?
My viewpoints may seem feminist..but it seems only fair to impose an equal ban.
I have a question, if my organization wants me to handle an emergency which let's say occurs late at night. Considering the ban, i cannot move out. Now, why will an organization want to employ a lady in a responsible position? I have to compromise my responsibility and freedom because a jerk on the road is inept in controlling his hormones?

The ultimate argument of course was, how many cases do you hear of males getting raped as compared to females? This precisely proves my point..who is a danger on the streets late at night..males or females? This brings us back to the fundamental question..does our law curtail the culprit or the victim?

exhilirating

"The fearless are merely fearless. People who act in spite of their fear are truly brave."
heh..u can see how proud i am of this feat..please humour my vanity..

insomnia

what's wid google and its mindless language settings huh? an insomniac cant even log on widout feeling inadequate..i dunno hindi..y rub it in my face? takes me ages to figure out how to change the language..hmph! who designs all dis i ask..is it one of dose ppl proclaiming hindutva..?
like coelho sed..the universe conspires with u..does it now? i alwaz get d feeling..the universe ends up conspiring against me..ah well..
nw see this..gotta get up early tmrw bt sleep eludes me..evry1'l say watz new..dint u just proclaim the insomnia..bt wot kind of insomnia forces a lazy procrastinating slothful piece of flesh pick her ass 4m d bed..switch on the light..go 2 another room and log on..of course to be subject to google cruelty..
and to think my insomnia drove me 2 write a blog..y aint ne1 online at 3 am? i yearn for some sign of life..of signs from the divine..is the earth repugnant at this hour..oh there is my mouse..was wondering where it went..the divine sign divulged.
sorry san..m sure dis is not what u had in mind 4 a blog..
dont wana leave dilli..m so much in love wid dis city man..just love roaming the spaces..the ridge..cp..ihc..dilli haat..nsd..campus..oxford..big chill..qba..yum! m hungry nw..n hw cd i 4get my mecca..tc..less than a fortnyt..dont wana go..love it complete wid the ass pinching, the behens and the maas, the autowalas n the bluelines..i love metroo!!! and the fact that dilli gals r supposed 2 b fast..and guys desp..plizz dnt kill me..m an insominiac on the prowl..

Mind Wanderer

alone in a crowd
lost lookin at the map
dreamy durin quarrels
curious when i cry
my mind is an individual
who makes me envious
the ultimate nomad
among my emotions
the uncrowned rebel
in my dreary existence
the ubiquitous distraction
in all my meandering
my mind is a foe
which makes me formidable
cruel to its neighbours
ever demanding
procrastinating the inevitable
graspin the implausible
ingenious to itself
obtuse to the rest
complacent in its being
my mind is my confidante
which defines me